The High Price of Distrust

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One of the many benefits of opting to pursue divorce through mediation rather than litigation is the cost savings. It is simply less expensive to pay for a series of mediation sessions and the drafting of the separation agreement than it is to hire two attorneys to go in and out of court, hold court-mandated meetings, negotiate the terms of the eventual separation agreement, and then work through multiple drafts to come to final terms. Oh, and then go back to court again to have the judge approve of the work. This description is of a couple that manage to find agreement. Sometimes, the divorce goes to trial. The costs go up exponentially from there.

Ask around. If you know someone who retained a divorce lawyer, what was the initial retainer? How many replenishing retainers were required? What was the final cost? If you can find someone who ended up going through a full-blown trial, see if you can get that person to admit how much money was forked over. Keep in mind that person’s number should probably be multiplied by two as there were two parties using two law firms.

I cannot confidently say that mediation is always less expensive, but I’m willing to bet that it is 99% of the time.

So why, if there’s a cheaper and equally legitimate option for divorcing couples, would people go the “litigation route?”

Because of trust.

Mediation requires full disclosure of all financial interests. Plain and simple. While some mediators are lawyers, they are not permitted when acting as mediators to use the “power of subpoena” to get to the parties’ bank accounts, retirement assets, stock portfolios, etc. When people come to mediation, they agree to put that all out on the table.

Rob and I have seen, time and time again, suspicion and sideways glances that lead us to wonder whether full disclosure is happening. Moreover, when one of the two people come out and say that “it’s impossible to trust” that everything is on the up and up, the mediation has the real potential to fall apart.

For many people–short of choosing whom to marry–divorce is the most consequential financial move they’ll ever make. In order to use mediation, trust is essential. A promise to work in good faith cannot be forced upon a soon-to-be-divorced person.

At Holistic Mediation, we are honored to help people get from “unhappily married” to “civilly divorced.” We employ our professional skills to have this happen thoroughly and concisely. If either party cannot trust the other, the mediators cannot produce the required trusting environment. As much as we endorse the non-adversarial process of mediation, it is not for everyone. Sadly, there is nothing we can do to make people believe in the forthrightness of their future ex-spouse.

No need to despair though, there are lots of lawyers happy to help you through a litigated divorce, but it’ll cost you.

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