Making Sausage

Image result for making sausage

 

That saying is used to depict an arduous process that is hard to watch. Oftentimes, we hear it said with respect to legislators trying to draft new laws.

It can also apply to mediation.

We have discovered that by the time most people are sitting with us in a mediation session, they are already very, very tired and supremely disheartened at what they have to accomplish to get from “Unhappy/Conflict-ridden Point A” to “Peaceful/Conflict-mitigated Point B.” You’ll notice that I did not refer to Point B as “conflict-free.” Whenever there is a disruption that results in the seeking out mediation services, we think it’s fair to conclude that the conflict will remain a “quiet reminder” for why the parties are with us.

This continued presence of “quiet conflict” has great power, as we encourage parties to allow space for it and to put it into its proper place in their lives. Once the conflict is so positioned, the parties have a chance to reframe their perspective of the other person.

This is when mediation becomes a transformative force. This is when people can see the other person as a “different sort of partner” in their likely-to-be-entangled futures.

Here’s an example:

Pat was a lousy spouse for a myriad of reasons. Chris was a lousy spouse for a whole host of reasons. Pat and Chris share children. Pat and Chris agree that continuing the marriage is a poor choice. Pat and Chris agree that their children’s needs and stability are paramount. Pat and Chris can unite under the mantle of the love of their children to work toward “seeing” each other–not as fomerly lousy spouses–but rather as the only other parent to the children.

“Seeing” is the first step to transforming not only Pat’s and Chris’s lives but also the key to doing well by their children.

If you are interested in trying to “see” your life and your future differently, contact us.

Our initial 1/2 hour consultation is complementary. And we promise not to make sausage during it.

 

 

 

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