Progressing at Your Own Pace

One of the great perks of working through a conflict through mediation is the ability to take a break.

When the issues that need to be discussed get tough and the emotions run high, mediation allows for an intermission. Quite literally, I will in the middle (“inter”) of the process (“mission” = resolving the conflict) take a step away. Sometimes it is a five-minute break during a session; other times, the couple takes a few weeks away from the mediation room.

Unlike litigating a conflict, where court calendars define the timeline (like it or not; ready or not) mediation works on the schedules of the clients.

It is just one more way that mediation fits the clients’ pace, and not the mediator’s calendar.

If you have the goal of resolving your conflict, but don’t want to rush to a remedy, call or email Holistic Mediation. I’m in no rush either.

Jenna Brownson, Esq. at 978.760.0482 or jenna@holisticmediation.org

Who Can Afford to Burn through Money?

Even though many consider mediation a more relaxed and informal way of resolving a conflict, one that could otherwise be litigated, that notion is a little fuzzy. People who use mediation as a tool for alternative dispute resolution (ADR) find many advantages to those who “lawyer up” and battle their divorce out in court.

One way that mediation is always better than litigation is the lower cost. In every case, it is simply less costly to pay for a mediated settlement than it is to pay for a litigated result. Never have I seen a case where litigation was less expensive than mediation.

Let’s take for example one set of “facts” and cost compare:

A couple who have been married for eighteen years, two minor children, the marital home, two vehicles, retirement accounts for husband and wife, a significant inheritance coming from the wife’s side, one boat, and a small plot of lakefront property out of state.

Presume that the parties are amenable to a fair and reasonable settlement in a timely fashion.

If the parties choose to litigate the matter, they are likely to spend between $25,000.00 and $30,000.00. That figures two lawyers each working for between 30 and 40 hours on the matter and coming to a negotiated settlement well before a trial. Keep in mind that the lawyers’ billable time included the hours sitting in the hallway of the courthouse waiting for the case to be called. In the event that the parties cannot come to a settlement, that $25,000.00 to $30,000.00, pre-trial estimate increases. Exponentially.

If instead, the parties were to choose to mediate the matter, they are likely to spend between $3,500.00 and $5,500.00. If you decide to work with Holistic Mediation, you’ll get the benefit of working through your objectives and goals in six and ten sessions, and all of the costs to draft the requisite paperwork for the court will cost far less than litigating.

When it comes to cost, a mediated agreement is better than a litigated result 100% of the time. And I believe at Holistic Mediation that you should keep as much of your own money as possible 100% of the time.

Please contact me to see if mediation is worthwhile for you: Jenna Brownson, Esq. at 978.760.0482.

Do Not Trust Someone Who Makes Unconditional Promises

Many people find themselves in mediation for one of two reasons.

  1. They don’t want to litigate; or
  2. They believe their circumstances warrant a not-so-run-of-the-mill approach

I do not have a crystal ball in the middle of the mediation room. It is plain and simple: l cannot predict what will happen once my divorcing clients leave the room to head to court. I can make generalizations about how judges tend to come to their findings. These generalizations are informed by what have traditionally been the decisions made in run-of-the-mill cases.

While Holistic Mediation will honor either of these objectives (or a blend of the two), I can’t assure you–with 100% confidence–that your agreement will be accepted by the judge. So long as it meets the standard of “fair and reasonable given the circumstances,” your agreement ought to be accepted.

Let me caution anyone who is being told, “I promise your agreement will be accepted. Guaranteed.”

That sort of statement implies knowledge of events that have not yet occurred. I believe making those sorts of “I’m 100% confident that the judge will sign off on this” is not only not responsible, it’s also not possible.

If you have come to a point in your search for a way to civilly come to an end of your marriage, I suggest trying mediation for all of its challenges and empowerment. The process is tried and true, even without any dubious promises.

Contact Jenna Brownson, Esq. at 978.760.0482 to learn more.

Don’t Shoot the Messenger

For as much as I enjoy facilitating the discussions that happen in the mediation setting, there is the occupational hazard of being “the messenger.” While we all have had the opportunity to see divorces play out in literature and on the silver screen, these are fictionalized versions of what amounts to be the “contract for the dissolution of marriage.” I’m oftentimes the very first person to broach the important matters of the division of marital assets, child support, and alimony. These topics are tough: no wonder authors and screenwriters skip over these.

Regardless of the inclination to avoid wading into these conversations, as your mediator, I’m here to guide you through exactly those tough discussions. Along the way, you’ll get legal information to help you decide what a judge will most likely deem as “fair and equitable.” Additionally, I provide support so that communication can be fruitful and structured.

While I’m regularly the bearer of not-so-glad tidings when it comes to the intricacies of divorcing, Holistic Mediation takes this role with seriousness and solemnity. I believe that in order for my clients to feel positive about the process of mediation that they need to be fully informed so that they can fully participate.

Please reach out to see if mediation is right for you by calling Jenna Brownson, Esq. at 978.760.0482.

A Good Faith Offering

One of the more challenging parts of getting divorced is knowing where to start. Sure, the married couple has come to a place where they both know that continuing in their marriage is not healthy for them or for their children, if they have any. And yes, they know that the process involves a judge saying that they are allowed to divorce. Sometimes, people think of lawyers, and when they do, they think of having to pay steep legal fees. Occasionally, custody and child support and alimony cross their minds.

But really, the most vexing matter is where to start?

When I’m first contacted by potential new clients, I assure them that mediation can get them just as divorced as battling it all out in court. I promise them that mediation is private in a way that litigating can never be. I all but guarantee that mediation will be much less expensive than hiring two lawyers. Then, once I confirm that both soon-to-be ex-spouses are willing to make a good faith effort to create the terms and conditions for their Separation Agreement (AKA: the Contract for the Dissolution of their Marriage), we get together, either in person or via Zoom.

That’s all that needs to happen to make a start: two people committing to a good faith effort.

If you are ready to make that commitment, please reach out to Jenna Brownson, Esq. at Holistic Mediation at 978.760.0482 or jenna@holisticmediation.org

Choose Your Pace

One of the great perks of working through a conflict using mediation is the ability to take a break.

When the subject matter gets tough and the emotions run high, mediation allows for an intermission. Quite literally, I will in the middle (“inter”) of the process (“mission” = resolving the conflict) take a step away. Sometimes it is a five-minute break during a session; other times it’s a few weeks away from the mediation room.

Unlike litigating a conflict, where there are court calendars to which the parties are beholden, mediation works on the schedule of the clients.

It is just one more way that mediation fits the client, not the mediator’s calendar, not the court’s calendar–because the clients get to go at their own pace.

If you have the goal of resolving your conflict, but don’t want to rush to a remedy, call Jenna Brownson, Esq. at 978.760.0482 at Holistic Mediation. I’m in no rush either.

The Balancing Act

As a divorce mediator, my role is to facilitate discussions between the two people seeking a divorce in order to come up with the terms and conditions that will be reduced to writing in the couple’s Separation Agreement. Although I am an attorney, when I am facilitating mediation sessions, I am prohibited from giving legal advice. I can, and I do, provide my clients with a great deal of legal information. The most salient bit of legal information I share is this: The judge needs to find, as a matter of law, that your Separation Agreement, is fair and equitable. That’s it: fair and equitable.

So what does “fair and equitable” mean?

Now, I’m going to answer as a lawyer does: It depends.

“Fair and equitable” depend on the specifics unique to the two people divorcing and the specifics of the marriage itself. “Fair and equitable” serve as a standard for the very personal choices about assets and children that the divorcing couple will make AND the standard by which the judge will assess the merits of the Separation Agreements that end up in the pile of cases on the judge’s docket.

The guiding principle on which a family and probate judge uses to decide whether to grant a divorce is “fair and equitable,” and this is the guiding principle my clients are reminded of.

If you are considering divorce, please reach out to Jenna Brownson, Esq. at 978.760.0482

Apples vs. Oranges

Most of the people I work with have never gone through a divorce. Every single person I work with knows at least one “horror story” of a divorce. Whether this knowledge comes from a movie or TV portrayal of divorce or from someone personally known, each and every one of my clients comes to the mediation room with some idea about divorce.

In most aspects of life, having some idea about something new can be helpful. When it comes to divorce, it has been my experience that familiarity with the process is beneficial, familiarity with “what happened when my best friend got divorced” is not.

Take a moment to consider what marriage means. It is the legal union of two people that is recognized by the state and one’s community. But now consider what a marriage looks like. As we are each unique, each partnership will also be unique. One can safely state, “Yes, you are married, and I am married, but my marriage looks different from your marriage.” And each person can easily account for those differences by resting on the knowledge that marriages are as different as the people in them.

Take a moment to consider what divorce means. It is the legal severing of a union of two people that is recognized by the state and one’s community. When it comes to divorce, a result that statistically will occur in half of those who choose to marry, we seem to be less willing to embrace the uniqueness of the divorce itself and wrongfully conclude that it’ll look like someone else’s divorce.

Let me assure you that YOUR divorce will NOT look like anyone else’s if you choose mediation.

Why? Because your choice to mediate your divorce opens up the opportunity to be thoughtful and creative in the necessary decision-making that will attend your process. And this is the great gift of mediation: mediation honors the uniqueness of the two people moving from unhappily married to civilly divorced in a manner that they create together that respects both the unique aspects of the marriage and the special process of coming to terms with each other in the construction of their Separation Agreement.

If you are considering divorcing, please reach out to Jenna Brownson, Esq. at 978.760.0482

Looking to an Unknown Future

One of the most difficult aspects of divorcing is trying to get a sense for what the future might look like. During divorce mediation sessions, the couple works through their shared and/or individual finances. They have to: one of the required documents, which both people need to complete and submit to the Court, is a Financial Statement. Although the completion of this form is tedious and time-consuming, it can also serve as a perfect opportunity to look critically at the money coming in and the money going out. And having this information is critical when the divorcing couple begins to make decisions about the division of their marital assets and division of their marital debt.

I have always been a proponent of the notion that the more information you have, the better the decisions you can make. The Financial Statements ask for a lot of information, and therefore, there is the unique chance to make better decisions when all that financial information is gathered, recorded, and at the fingertips of the people who will be directly affected by the choices they make.

It is true that a crystal ball might be helpful, but reasonable people know that there’s no real magic in that orb. Getting divorced well doesn’t rely upon wishes and guesses and fingers-crossed. Getting divorced well relies on compiling all relevant information so that fact-based choices can be made in order to create a fair and equitable agreement.

If you are considering divorcing, please contact Jenna Brownson, Esq. at 978.760.0482.