Recently in the midst of a mediation session, I was asked, “What normally happens in this case? You know, what does the judge say?”

Time and time again, couples who have decided to mediate (instead of litigate) their divorce want to know “what happens when.” And time and time again, I say, “That’s the beauty of mediation. The two of you get to decide what happens when.”

While it is true that most family and probate courts judges could do a pretty decent job of setting down the terms and conditions of an asset division and parenting plan from simply looking at the couple “on paper,” mediation permits the divorcing parties to be the “experts” of their lives and to be the ones making the decisions.

As a lawyer, I could take a fair guess at “what happens when” by knowing that there exists something of a “cookie cutter” that a judge might use to make the decisions for the couple. In fact, when couples litigate their divorces, that happens a lot: the judge makes the decisions for the couple.

Holistic Mediation isn’t in the business of making predictions, speculating on “what happens when,” or telling the couple what they should do. Why? Because the two people best suited to make choices about the terms and conditions of a separation agreement are those two people who it affects the most, i.e., the individuals who are divorcing.

In mediation, there are no cookie cutters. There is open dialogue and collaboration.

Holistic Mediation honors the decision-making when it is done by those best positioned to make those choices.

If you or someone you know is considering divorce, please contact Jenna at 978.760.0482.

When people come to mediation, especially in the cases of divorce, I always keep in mind that both of them are telling “the truth.”

So why the quotation marks?

Well, I approach working with my clients with the baseline belief that I am listening to “the truth,” insofar as attaining “the truth” is possible in the arena of personal and intimate relationships. So while I believe what I hear, I know that “the truths” of my clients come through the filters of their individual perceptions and biases. This is important in many ways.

First, everyone wants to be heard.

Second, everyone wants to be believed.

And third, everyone deserves respect.

Now this doesn’t mandate that the other person agree with those “truths,” nor does it require that I as your mediator facilitate a conversation based on a particular “set of facts.” In fact, I regularly find myself validating both “truths” and reminding my clients that perceptions differ.

In this famous drawing, two images are visible.

Which do you see?

A young woman wearing a choker and looking over her right shoulder or an older woman, with a large nose, in profile with her hair covered with a scarf?

I have shown this drawing to my clients as a reminder that our perceptions are our own, and it’s possible to see the same thing in two totally different ways.

That sort of broad permission to be oneself is just one of the aspects that Holistic Mediation brings to the mediation setting. I always endeavor to approach each client as a whole person. If you are considering mediation as a vehicle to resolve a controversy or to start a new path in life, call Jenna at 978.760.0482.

When a couple comes to the end of their domestic partnership and are looking for ways to part amicably, it is sensible for them to do so with some guidance from a professional who knows “how the system works” and “what hoops need to be jumped through.” The courts require that particular matters be resolved before a judge can come to a finding and grant a divorce or sign off on a parenting plan.

While there are intricacies and tedium in the process, doing it right the first time is advisable. One of the best ways to ensure that what you bring to court will be well-received by the judge is to hire a professional. Mediators are trained to know what you need to have so the judge can deem your agreement fair and equitable.

At Holistic Mediation, I understand what you need to get through those hoops.

Call Jenna at 978.760.0482 to see if Holistic Mediation’s mediation style can work for you.

I have found that for many couples, they put off coming into mediation because they are reluctant to admit publicly that their marriage is not longer good. I have heard “good” to be further detailed with these descriptors: viable, worthwhile, rewarding, healthy, etc.

Coming to a point of being able to delineate what “exactly” brings a couple to mediation is unnecessary. In the same way that no one puts demands on you to specify why you wanted to get married, your mediator has no expectation that you describe that which has led to your choice to divorce.

Of course, there are times when the couple wants to discuss those details. As each mediation is “of the couple,” those who want to open a discussion around the why behind their choice to separate are free to do so. But rest assured, I do not need to be convinced of the merits of the choice behind your entry into mediation. As self-actualized people making a significant life change, I trust that by the time you arrive, you have (by and large) come to terms with the choice and now are seeking out professional assistance on formalizing your decision . . . unless you change your minds and thereby your choice, because that can happen, too.

I trust you.

Most of us are accustomed to life going along at a predictable and manageable pace. We stick to routines, we have appointments, we meet expectations, we go day to day with confidence about how life will unfold.

And then, something flips, and we have to say “Goodbye” to the rug we’d been standing on.

For people who find themselves questioning their role in an unhappy, if not painful marriage, the feeling that their world is out of control can go from a barely audible hum to a deafening scream, depending on the level of crisis in any one moment. The stress and anxiety caused by this “place in life” is soul-depleting, sometimes leading people to turn away from the crisis.

When the day finally comes that the unhappy person can verbalize a need to make a change, that’s when the hard work begins. The couple has choices: stay unhappy, find a way to foster happiness, go in separate directions and seek independent happiness.

(Side note: “happy” and its derivatives are very broad terms used in a general way.)

At Holistic Mediation, I believe that you can be in control of your life.

No one is more skilled in making thoughtful and proper decisions about your life than you are. Imagine how empowered you can feel when you make a choice about your life, rather than a stranger in a long black robe who was given information through “translators,” i.e., lawyers.

Please contact Jenna Brownson at 978.760.0482 to begin the process.

Most of us are accustomed to life going along at a predictable and manageable pace. We stick to routines, we have appointments, we meet expectations, we go day to day with confidence about how life will unfold.

And then, something flips.

For people who find themselves questioning their role in an unhappy, if not painful marriage, the feeling that their world is out of control can go from a low lying hum to a deafening scream, depending on the level of crisis in any one moment. The stress and anxiety caused by this “place in life” is soul-depleting, sometimes leaving people to turn even farther away from the crisis.

When the day finally comes that the unhappy person can verbalize a need to make a change, that’s when the hard work begins. The couple has choices: stay unhappy, find a way to foster happiness, go in separate directions and seek independent happiness.

(Side note: “happy” and its derivatives is a very broad term used in a general way.)

At Holistic Mediation, I believe that you can be in control of your life.

No one is more skilled in making thoughtful and proper decisions about your life than you are. Imagine how empowered you can feel when you make a choice about your life, rather than a stranger in a long black robe who was given information through “translators,” i.e., lawyers.